flavionegrete

anthonybergen:

As I mentioned last night, I’m neither Team Shark or Team Cat. I’m Team Choke-An-Animal and would like for my picture to be surrounded by these plastic soda rings.
Here’s my problem with Cats and Sharks. First of all, Sharks seem cool, but I’ve seen a lot of posts about them and I just cannot support an animal that constantly uses such foul language. Seriously, Sharks, wash your mouths out with soap. Everytime there’s a comic strip post featuring a shark or a picture of a shark with a clever caption, the shark is inevitably using profane language and it’s inappropriate.
As for Cats? Well, Cats are faggots.

As I mentioned last night, I’m neither Team Shark or Team Cat. I’m Team Choke-An-Animal and would like for my picture to be surrounded by these plastic soda rings.

Here’s my problem with Cats and Sharks. First of all, Sharks seem cool, but I’ve seen a lot of posts about them and I just cannot support an animal that constantly uses such foul language. Seriously, Sharks, wash your mouths out with soap. Everytime there’s a comic strip post featuring a shark or a picture of a shark with a clever caption, the shark is inevitably using profane language and it’s inappropriate.

As for Cats? Well, Cats are faggots.

(via anthonybergen)

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anthonybergen:

Edward Kennedy’s Eulogy for his brother, Robert F. Kennedy

St. Patrick’s Cathedral, New York City, June 8, 1968

For five decades, virtually every major piece of legislation to advance the civil rights, health and economic well being of the American people bore his name and resulted from his efforts.

I valued his wise counsel in the Senate, where, regardless of the swirl of events, he always had time for a new colleague. I cherished his confidence and momentous support in my race for the Presidency. And even as he waged a valiant struggle with a mortal illness, I’ve profited as President from his encouragement and wisdom.

An important chapter in our history has come to an end. Our country has lost a great leader, who picked up the torch of his fallen brothers and became the greatest United States Senator of our time.

“

—	President Obama on Senator Kennedy (via anthonybergen)

Devious Dolphins

ANTHONY: Plus, there will be some collateral damage and we should come to terms with that.  Some cute dolphin is gonna get its stupid snout tied up in plastic soda rings meant for a shark or a cat to choke on.
ERICA: HEY.  I love dolphins.  
ANTHONY: They are wonderful little creatures, but who doesn't want to punch a dolphin?
ERICA: HEY.
ANTHONY: I just want to make one mad.
ERICA: I LOVE DOLPHINS.
ANTHONY: They always look like they are smiling.  It's creepy.  They are up to something.
ERICA: I love it!  I always wanted to swim with one.  STOP MAKING FUN OF DOLPHINS!
ANTHONY: Dolphins have to get mad at something.  I'm sure a punch right between their eyes would show us the real side of dolphins.  I'm telling you, they are secretly trying to kill us.  They are like the al-Qaeda of the sea.
ERICA: One day you're going to regret that when you find yourself about to be eaten by a shark and a dolphin is nearby and rather than save you, it turns its pretty dolphin head away and says, "fag".  And then you die.  The end.
ANTHONY: I won't be surprised.  They are evil.  They are brilliantly evil, too.  They have people like you suckered in.  Then they all gather in the Atlantic and build a hurricane and they laugh at us.
ERICA: They have incredible mental capabilities for mammals.  Oh, you have no idea how much I've loved dolphins all my life.  I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was younger.
ANTHONY: Dolphins are assholes.  There's no way that anything is that friendly and wonderful and cute.  They are the rapists of the ocean.
ERICA: You're an asshole.
ANTHONY: The truth hurts, doesn't it?  Part of you is starting to realize that, yes, they ARE too perfect.  Every other animal in the world has a dark side, but not dolphins?  Oh yes, they have planned this very well.  Very clever work over the years, but I know what's up.
ERICA: They do have a dark side.  Sometimes they kill their young.  Do you really want to talk about this?  I could throw facts about dolphins all day.
ANTHONY: I just threw facts about dolphins.  THEY BUILD HURRICANES AND RAPE WALRUSES.
ERICA: Your facts ARE COMPLETELY FABRICATED.  THOSE AREN'T FACTS, THOSE ARE LIES.  YOU ARE FULL OF LIES.
ANTHONY: You're yelling at me.
ERICA: Because you're making fun of dolphins.  Dolphins make me so happy.  You have no idea.  I feel about marine biology and dolphins like you feel about Presidents.
ANTHONY: I'm not making fun of dolphins.  I'm warning you about them.
ERICA: Warning me?
ANTHONY: I don't find anything funny about dolphins.  I take the threat very seriously, obviously.

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anthonybergen:

This one seems more appropriate today than my usual random 2Pac.

Marvin Gaye: The Star-Spangled Banner (1983 NBA All-Star Game)

Coolest version of the National Anthem ever. When you can get a Los Angeles crowd clapping along to the Star-Spangled Banner, you’ve nailed it.

Vacation

anthonybergen:

If President Obama’s week keeps going the way it has started, he may end up needing a vacation from vacation.

Is it wrong?

anthonybergen:

When I see a nice old lady all gussied up and wearing one of those gigantic pink Easter Parade/Kentucky Derby hats with flowers and other plants on them, is it wrong that all I can envision is how great it would be to knock the hat off of their heads? I would never do it, of course. And even in my daydreams, I would do it so it wouldn’t physically harm an innocent old lady. But, seriously, nothing would be more enjoyable than seeing one of those annoying hats fall into the gutter.

Also, I’d like to gently remove those Blueblocker sunglasses from their face and then throw them as far as I can.

I’d help them across the street afterwards, though.

anthonybergen:

chellyy:

jjudsonn:

lethologica:

interplanetary:

saethis:

Click through for the story of Tyler Ziegel.

I removed some of the comments made because I thought they were rude and uncalled for, I left links because that’s the fair thing to do, but I’m not going support your nasty words on my page. I not only cried when I saw the picture, but reading the article made me bawl. This man is an inspiration to everyone and I honestly feel like these men - the ones who came back looking like someone else, the ones who really did give it all up for our Country, those are the ones who deserve the most recognition.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Don’t do it, Anthony”. You’re thinking, “This is one that you shouldn’t touch, Anthony”. You’re thinking, “Show a little heart for once, Anthony”. You’re thinking that this is too touching, too sad, too uplifting, too sacred…

Nothing is sacred. Fuck you, I’m doing it:

•CONGRATULATIONS, MA’AM, YOU MARRIED A 6’2” THUMB!

•I DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING ON TMZ.COM ABOUT SPONGEBOB’S FRIEND PATRICK GETTING MARRIED!

•OH WOW, I DIDN’T KNOW SLOTH FROM “THE GOONIES” JOINED THE MILITARY!

Fuck you people. Nothing is sacred.

I feel like your tumblr title should say: ANTHONY BERGEN: TUMBLR’S VILLAIN

“

—

Anaïs

I fixed it for you, Anaïs.

As for the rest of you: “What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!”

(via anthonybergen)